A Look at Spanish Television

Spanish television is crappy. There are about 5 channels that you get without cable (which is more than in the US) but they are really terrible. The shows are terrible, the news is on all the time and there are about 5 commercials that are showed on every channel. The dubbed shows here, with the exception of things that are on CBS (CSI, 11th Hour, Cold Case, etc) all seem to be all from the CW. That means a lot of “Smallville” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. If you thought these shows were bad in English, try ‘em in Spanish. One of the few local (aka not imported/dubbed) shows that they have is what seems to be their version of a David Letterman/Jay Leno late night show. I’ve actually only watched it three times and every time I’ve cringed at how terrible it is and the only reason I watch it is because nothing else is on and my roommates and I like to make fun of the people on it. The first night Hugh Jackman was on. He doesn’t speak Spanish so he was wearing an ear-piece and then they would translate whatever he said over a loudspeaker. However, he didn’t really say anything because it wasn’t really an interview. There were two host and him and they were just doing science experiments. He was just standing there awkwardly smiling. If you have you ever seen someone who has been accosted by an old person and is just listening to them go on and on about something with an awkward “get me out of here” smile, then you can picture what Hugh Jackman looked like because that was the way he was smiling. The second night was the fat guy from Lost (which just made its Spanish debut) and much to my surprise he spoke Spanish. I couldn’t believe it but I know nothing about him but never would have thought I would see him on Spanish TV speaking Spanish. The third night was a double-whammy of pure American culture torture. It was Miley Cyrus AND her Dad, Billy. If you think Miley Cyrus is annoying in English, imagine her doing and interview where she is being translated over a loud-speaker. She never shut up long enough for the translator to actually say something so it was mostly just her rambling on in English with someone speaking over her in Spanish. I don’t even know why they even attempted to interview her. They also did science experiments with her as well as had her feed a pony. It was odd but this time the awkward-ness was from her Dad hovering around the whole interview. My roommates will not let me live it down that they are from the US. Lastly, to top off this whole show, it has two ants that are puppets that pop up through holes on the desk of the host and also “interview” the guests. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse it does. But just like all bad TV, it’s like a car crash and I just can’t look away because I’m always wondering what they’ll do next.

Another curiosity about Spanish television is commercial breaks. Commercial breaks are five minutes long, sometimes I think longer. I know they are at least five minutes because they will show you a little timer when they cut to a commercial break. I think this is great during the movies because there are less breaks, but in general, commercial breaks are just annoying anywhere. What is really odd (and annoying) is when they have these commercial breaks. In the US there is a little pause in the show or storyline and it cuts to commercial. Here, it just cuts to a commercial. A character can be mid-sentence and it will cut to a commercial. It really makes watching something in Spanish quite difficult.

All this to say, I miss US television, but it is good that the television here stinks because then we don’t watch it all day.